THE FRICTION IN HUMAN INTERACTION

“For I am afraid that when I come I may not find you as I want you to be, and you may not find me as you want me to be. I fear that there may be discord, jealousy, fits of rage, selfish ambition, slander, gossip, arrogance and disorder.” -2 Corinthians 12:20

To be patient with every human being takes time, it takes practice but most importantly it takes understanding. I don’t have the miracle cure or answer for dealing with others, nor will I attempt to delve deep into every aspect of the psychology behind social interactions and where they go wrong. I would however like to incite patience for each other from the perspective of understanding. I can watch two people in the workplace attempt to get their points across, but instead of listening to each other they are focusing on rebuttals, and even if there were things they could agree on, their tone, perception of the other individual and their narrow viewpoint of the subject at hand can lead to decreasing levels of patience. I can then watch as two people miscommunicate until they are passive aggressively at each other’s throats when they’ve missed so much that they could have agreed on.

Our upbringing, culture, tone of voice, body language, perception and experiences all make us unique but can also interfere with our ability to sympathize with and understand one another. We should seek to have a more global view of where people are coming from, their experiences and how they view the world if we hope to have more positive interactions with others. I have found in life that I have become more patient and sympathetic with other human beings once I realize that they act, talk or think a certain way because of what they have experienced, how they were raised or what they think they know. How many people are actually born arrogant, evil or deceitful? While some personality traits can be argued as inherited, much of who we are is a result of what we’ve been through (one of the fundamental arguments in psychology is nature vs nurture). This is the reason why I feel everyone has the potential to improve who they are.

A person’s learned personality traits can lead them to be perceived in a negative light by others (being impolite, arrogant, disrespectful etc) and this causes people to have friction in their interactions. We are all born with the ability to do wrong, but part of who we are is learned over time. Only when we can see the bigger picture of where people are coming from and can analyze social interactions (so that you can see where someone’s background influences their interactions) can we learn to develop patience for one another.

Think about the last time you were in traffic and got cut off, think about how angry you were. Now think about the times you cut someone off because you were late and about to lose your job, you heard horrible news and were on your way to help someone, you’ve been in a serious accident and have PTSD when behind the wheel or you simply didn’t see them in your blind spot, etc. Now what if the person cutting you off was you? Would you be more forgiving then? I think one way in which we can all learn to be patient with each other is if we put ourselves in each other’s shoes more often but also take into account the experiences that made that person who they are.

Now I’m not saying that everyone has an excuse and that we should all just let things go. But patience is for YOUR benefit, just as forgiveness is. They allow you to ease your mind, think clearly, make wiser decisions and be the calming force amidst the storm that is life. I believe it is one of the pillars of becoming a better leader as well; everyone looks to the person who is calm amid strife for guidance.